Eating difficulties, control or food anxiety

At Hollymount, we know that eating, mealtimes, and food can sometimes become a source of worry, stress, or emotional difficulty for children and families. While many children go through phases of being selective, cautious, or independent around food, for some children eating can become linked to anxiety, sensory sensitivities, emotional wellbeing, or a need to feel in control.

Some children may experience Eating Disorder, while others may experience food anxiety, highly selective eating, sensory based food difficulties, or controlling behaviours around eating that do not fit a formal diagnosis but still deserve understanding and support.

Whether your child has an identified need, is going through a difficult period, or you are beginning to notice changes around food, support is available.

Understanding eating difficulties in children

Eating difficulties can present in many different ways and may be linked to:

• Anxiety or worry

• A need for predictability or control

• Sensory sensitivities to taste, smell, texture, temperature, or appearance

• Past difficult experiences with food

• Low mood or emotional distress

• Neurodevelopmental differences such as Autism Spectrum Disorder or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

• Body image concerns, particularly in older children

• Medical conditions affecting appetite or digestion

For some children, eating may feel overwhelming, unpredictable, or emotionally charged.

Signs families may notice at home

Every child is different, but families may notice that their child:

• Eats a very limited range of foods

• Suddenly refuses foods they previously enjoyed

• Becomes distressed when asked to try new foods

• Wants food prepared in very specific ways

• Avoids eating with others

• Eats very slowly or appears anxious at mealtimes

• Skips meals or says they are not hungry regularly

• Appears unusually focused on calories, weight, or “healthy” eating

• Wants to control portions or what others are eating

• Hides food, throws food away, or avoids family meals

• Becomes upset if routines around food change

• Appears tired, irritable, withdrawn, or emotionally heightened around mealtimes

Not every child who is selective or independent around food has an eating disorder. Many children experience temporary phases, sensory preferences, or developmental food preferences.

What is eating control?

Some children may use food as a way to feel safe, predictable, or in control, particularly during times of stress, change, anxiety, or uncertainty.

This may look like:

• Only eating foods of a certain colour, brand, or texture

• Insisting on foods being arranged in a certain way

• Refusing foods that touch each other

• Eating only at certain times or in certain places

• Becoming distressed if routines change

• Wanting to prepare or portion food themselves

Often these behaviours are not about “being difficult” but about managing feelings of uncertainty, overwhelm, or sensory discomfort.

What to do if you have concerns

If you are worried about your child’s relationship with food:

1. Speak to us

Your child’s class teacher or a member of the inclusion team may be able to help build a fuller picture of how your child manages snacks, lunch, routines, and social situations around food.

2. Notice patterns

It may be helpful to record:

• Which foods feel safe or difficult

• Times of day when eating feels easier or harder

• Emotional triggers

• Sensory preferences

• Social situations around food

• Changes in appetite or mood

3. Avoid pressure

Pressure, bribing, or conflict around food can sometimes increase anxiety.

4. Seek medical advice if needed

If your child is losing weight, becoming physically unwell, increasingly anxious around food, or significantly restricting intake, your National Health Service GP should be contacted for advice.

Practical strategies that can help at home

Many children benefit from:

Keeping mealtimes calm and predictable

• Try regular meal and snack times

• Give advance notice before meals

• Reduce distractions where possible

Reducing pressure

• Encourage but avoid forcing

• Focus on connection rather than conflict

• Avoid turning meals into negotiations

Offering safe and familiar foods

Children often explore new foods more confidently when familiar foods remain available.

Small steps

Trying a new food may begin with:

• Looking at it

• Touching it

• Smelling it

• Licking it

• Taking a tiny taste

Progress can be gradual.

Respecting sensory differences

Children may genuinely experience foods differently through:

• Texture

• Temperature

• Smell

• Appearance

• Sound

Modelling healthy relationships with food

Children notice how adults talk about food, bodies, exercise, and eating.

When to seek urgent support

Please seek professional advice if your child:

• Is rapidly losing weight

• Regularly refuses meals

• Appears weak, dizzy, or physically unwell

• Becomes highly distressed around food

• Shows increasing body image concerns

• Talks negatively about food, weight, or their body

• Is avoiding school due to eating or mealtime anxiety

Helpful organisations and resources

Families may find these organisations helpful:

• Beat – advice and support for families

• NHS – information on eating difficulties and eating disorders

• YoungMinds – emotional wellbeing support

• ARFID Awareness UK – support around avoidant and restrictive eating

• Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder – information about restrictive eating linked to sensory or anxiety based needs

What we may do at school to help

If concerns are identified, school may be able to support through:

• Sensitive communication with families

• Monitoring eating patterns in school where appropriate

• Flexible support around lunchtime routines

• Safe and trusted adult check ins

• Support with anxiety and emotional regulation

• Sensory and environmental adjustments where appropriate

• Advice from inclusion staff or external professionals

At Hollymount, we understand that eating difficulties are rarely simply about food. By working closely with families, we can help children feel safe, understood, and supported to build a healthy relationship with food, their bodies, and their wellbeing.